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Random notes on my physical therapist

  • She moonlights as an animal rescuer.
  • She once rescued a spider. Actually, she was sweeping and maybe injured its leg. So, she damaged the spider in order to save it. This information makes me wonder whether she's 100% into the whole healing thing with humans.
  • Three days before my surgery, she gives me a photocopy of the article “21 Amazing Facts You Didn't Know About Pigeons.”
  • She's very chatty. Most of it is very interesting. When I wasn't interested in listening on any given day, I'd pop a Vicodin before the session. Vicodin: you may feel the pain, but it doesn't matter.
  • She once either dated my landlord (his story) or rebuffed his advances (her story).
  • During our first phone conversation she asked, “What insurance do you have?” Aetna, I said. “Do you take Aetna?” She said, “I love Aetna.”
  • She loves Aetna, I will learn, because she receives a larger payment for not being in Aetna's network. To date they've cut her a check for some $3,700 (about $308 for each of our dozen 90-minute sessions), and she may bill me for an additional $3,900...because I'm out-of-network. It's eviscerated my out-of-network deductible.
  • Note to file: Health system is broken. Fix that.
  • Once while administering laser treatment on my knee, she suddenly remembered something she'd forgotten in the other room, handed me the laser gun, and said, “Here. Hold this on your knee. When the light goes off, move it to a new spot and push this button again.” Ten minutes of that.
  • I once installed her new printer, no charge.
  • A former patient claims on his blog that she stole his watch. She refutes that.
  • She once confronted a gaggle of burka-wearing Muslim women to ask why they wore the outfit. One woman said that they had no problem with the outfit. My physical therapist had a problem with the outfit.
  • At my second post-op visit with Dr. Stein, I asked if PT was necessary. He was pleased with my progress and thought if I continued like this then it wasn't vital. So, I stopped going to her.
  • “Feeding pigeons is well recognized by the medical community as a good means of relaxation.”

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